Remy's TSA Contest Entry

Remy enters the Transportation Security Administration's contest seeking helpful hints to improve airport security lines.

Let's hope he wins.

Approximately 1:45 minutes. Written and performed by Remy. Video and graphics by Meredith Bragg. Music tracks by Ben Karlstrom.

For links, downloadable versions, and more, go to http://reason.com/reasontv/2014/08/08/remys-tsa-contest-entry

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LYRICS:
Well, video contests they ain't really my kind of hobby, uh,
but 15 grand? You're cutting checks like your name was Slovakia
but if you're asking for some tips I've got a couple rules
to make the lines even shorter than the ones to get in this school

Just because it zips up don't make them take their vest off
If they just had a mastectomy don't make them take their breast off
if you're looking for another tip to save a couple minutes
if they're shrieking for their momma while you grope them they're not terrorists

Assaulting children's never good and it's safe to assume
The only time it's okay is if your name's Orlando Bloom
And if you're looking for even more time I swear you'll have enough
if when people go through TSA you don't steal any of their stuff

You'd save time if the guy up at the ID checking place
Knows the District of Columbia's in the United States
and if you can bring apples on board or a crate of Macintosh
you could save some time by not arresting ladies who bring applesauce

Making old folks take their pants off? How is that embarrassing?
Well the answer to both questions just happens to be "Depends"
If someone fought in Korea facing bullets, death, and strife
maybe that should be the most traumatic thing they go through in their life

Now at this point I realize that offering this dollop
of advice will likely lead to you checking me for polyps
But if you think it's no use and my entry's gone awry
Like a rape victim that gets pat down all I can do is cry